I spend much of my time pointing out where things went wrong
with this person's approach, or that person's relationship, etc. I thought
it might be time to look at what makes a relationship "right".
That is, how do you know you're in a relationship that can last? Here's my
advice for guys:
10. You feel good about yourself and your world
A good relationship makes you feel great. It should fill in your
"gaps" and make you feel whole. It should give you emotional
strength and help you to feel that everything is ok - and will continue to
be. Another good sign is that you're better able to survive disasters at
work, at home, etc. - not because you know someone will be there to solve
them, but because you know that YOU can.
9. You look forward to spending time together
Far too many couples stay together out of habit. They don't really
look forward to being together and try to find ways to avoid it. For
example, they always try to include other friends, go to an event so that
they'll have something to do, etc. Another sign is fear of the
"conversation lag" where nobody has anything to say. If your
relationship is "right", you'll enjoy spending quality time
together - even when it's quiet.
8. You respect your partner, and "talk him or her up"
Is there anyone that agrees with everything someone else says or
thinks? (I can tell you - nobody agrees with everything I say!) There's no
reason you have to agree with everything your partner says or thinks
either. However, you should RESPECT them for it - right or wrong.
Further, when you respect someone - really respect them - you find
yourself "talking them up" to people. You say things like,
"You know, my girlfriend said something that I don't agree with, but
it really made me think" or "My husband really knows about wood
working - you should ask him about it."
What this really shows is your focus - if you find you're always talking
about yourself, you're not focused on your partner - or the relationship.
7. You are really interested in what he or she thinks
Along with respect, you'll find that you are interested in your
partner's thoughts on different things - and you ask. You might have heard
the President of your company say something and you ask your wife to get
her take on it. Or, you may have come up with an idea that you want your
boyfriend to think about - and you're not afraid of getting shot down.
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6. You are aware of, but ignore their quirks
Everyone (even YOU bunky!) has his or her little quirks. Your
partner's quirks might even appear cute to you, or at least harmless. If
they're getting to you, you should look more closely at your relationship
5. Problems don't make you think about breaking up
All relationships have problems. It's natural and healthy. However, if
every time you fight you feel ready to break up, you should re-think your
relationship. People that have good, solid relationships see disagreements
as a chance to learn more about their lover, and to get closer. Thus, they
don't fear them, but they don't create them either!
4. You aren't scared about losing him or her
Once you start investing your feelings in a relationship you risk
being hurt. This isn't my rule - it's just the way it is. However, if you
dwell on the possibility of being hurt, you can't really enjoy the
relationship. Further, you shouldn't be concerned that your lover isn't
happy. If the relationship is secure - you'll know it.
3. You're together "just because"
Many people start dating and then coordinate their lives such that
they have to be together - either for finances, kids, family, work, the
dog, etc. Is there something keeping your relationship together? If you're
together just because you both want to be, you've got a good reason to
stay together! If you're together because you have to be, you'll likely to
start having problems.
2. You appreciate other attractive people, but aren't interested in
There is someone more attractive than your boyfriend, girlfriend,
husband or wife. I don't care whom you're with! If your relationship is
good, you still like the way other people look, but don't find it
necessary to compare them to your partner. After all ...
1. You are in love
If you don't know that you're in love, you're not. Love is very
difficult to explain, but one of the best explanations I've seen is this:
"Love is when you are more concerned with the well being, safety and
happiness of someone else than your own."
That's a pretty powerful idea, and something I hope everyone gets to
Good luck, much love...
By Dr. Dennis W.
Neder, he is the author of
Being a Man in a Woman's World
P.S. - Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
firstname.lastname@example.org for answers. For more information about my book, “Being a Man in a Woman’s World”, visit: www.remingtonpublications.com
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