has been theorized that a woman decided within five minutes of meeting a
man whether or not she will have sex with him. Possibly true, but there
is one catch. Most women I know, myself included, may initially decide
we'll have sex with a guy, but when we find out he's a bad or a mediocre
kisser, we change our minds entirely. We decide we will never have sex
with this guy. He won't even get asked for a nightcap, much less for
breakfast the next morning. As our lips part while we stand on the
doorstep, we will announce that we have an early-morning meeting or (if
you were really awful) that we're actually already married to someone
how to kiss a girl:
What we will never, ever say is, "God, you're a lousy kisser. I was
going to have sex with you until just this moment." This is one of
the ways in which men and women differ. If a man is very attracted to a
woman but discovers she's a bad or mediocre kisser, he'll probably have
sex with her anyway if presented with the opportunity. A woman can't get
past a bad kiss. (Unless, of course, she's a horrible kisser herself,
but we're not talking about those women here.) Experience has shown most
women that a bad kiss only spells trouble down the road, so to speak.
After all, if he hasn't mastered kissing and fails to see its sensual
possibilities, what hope is there for, ahem, anything else?
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disappointment of a bad kiss is a recurring topic of discussion among a
group of single women I run with in the park several times a week.
"It turns into a fabric softener thing," says Nora, a blond
from Dallas, when describing the previous night's date. "You know,
where the guy kisses you and it's so bad but you've got to finish it up
so your mind wanders and you start wondering if you have enough fabric
softener to do two loads of laundry the next day?" She laughs.
"So I'm thinking about that, and the guy says, "Wow! You're
the egos we would crush if men could hear the post-mortems. If any guys
happen to be running with us, they immediately demand to know what
exactly constitutes a bad or good kisser. So we tell them about the
all-purpose litmus test: A bad kisser, reguardless of whether he likes
to secrete a gallon of drool or waggle his head like a dog menacing a
bone, seems to be simultaneously thinking: " When can we get to
step two? And three and four? Is she aroused yet? can I put my hand on
her breast now?" He sees kissing as the next step on a carnal
quest. The good kisser, however, sees the kiss as the destination
itself. He kisses as if he will never do anything else with this woman,
as if he never wants to do anything else with this woman. He kisses as
if this is what he's been dying to do for years and he wants to savor
every moment. I guarentee you that this is when the woman decides there
will be other activities on the agenda.
first thing to remember: When in Doubt, Go Slowly. make that first kiss
slow and gentle and easy. While you may want to demonstrate that you're
a cauldron of seething desire, save that for later, when you're both
sufficiently warmed up. In the meantime, resist the urge to mash your
face against hers so hard your teeth collide and she ends up with brush
burns from your stubble. One woman in our running group actually passed
out during a particularly bad kiss of this sort, when the man pressed
his face to hers so tightly he blocked off her nose with his cheek,
mistook her thrshing for passion, and suddenly felt her body go limp.
"i was out for maybe thrity seconds," she says.
"Fortunately, he had me in a bear hug, so I didn't hit the group.
Of course, he thought I passed out because the kiss was so good."
This is what's known as the Harrison Ford School of Making Out. Watch
him in the movies,a nd watch his costar's face get twisted out of shape
from the sheer force. this is also why they're panting afterward. It's
not from desire, it's oxygen deprivation. So the second thing to
remember while kissing is to make sure she can still breathe through her
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other movie stars who perpetuate bad kissing styles. There's the Tom
Cruise Method (as seen in Top Gun), whereby his tongue is already
slithering out before he's met her lips. This is also referred to as the
Lizard-King Style, and once lip-locked, it may also feature the rather
grotesque tongue-insterted-rapidly-in-and-out. Most women do not cherish
the idea of kissing a large anaconda, which is what this must be similar
to. Equally unappealing is when the guy's tongue seems to be on a
thorough search for any food trapped between the woman's molars. This is
her tongue's job, not yours. The only response possible is for the woman
to open her mouth wide and remain motionless while he finishes his
routing, a posture that calls to mind trips to the dentist.
good sex and great dancing, any tongue action should involve a
give-and-take, with both parties allowed the opportunity for interaction
in a saliva-laden minuet. Get into a groove with this, and every now and
then you may want to stop for a short time while still joined at thelips.
Like being on a dance floor and suddenly holding your partner
motionless, it can have the galvanizing effect of heightening the
sensation. this is ideally practiced in places like a dark booth in a
dive bar with a great jukebox. Just make sure your sleeve doesn't catch
fire from the candle on the table.
no one wants a tongue completely jammed down her throat, neither do we
want its exact opposite, as favored by Woody Allen, one of the screen's
all-time-worst kissers. Check out the last scene in Hannah and Her
Sisters, and you'll see him pecking away at Dianne Wiest. This
Road-runner-eats-birdseed style of dry, repeated kisses accompanied by
inordinately loud smacky sounds is not what any woman fantasizes
about--even if she's weird enough to fantasize about kissing Woody
Allen. The occasional smacky sound is inevitable and can exciting, but
go easy on the moaning and groaning. Its sounds fake at best and, at
worst, like an unconscious habit, like tuneless whistling.
Day-Lewis belongs in the kissing hall of fame for Best Use of Hands. He
gently caresses his costar's face and touches her hair, a model of how
hands can increase the erotic pleasure of the moment. Bear in mind the
hands should not be used to prevent the woman from going anywhere or to
clamp her head into one uncomfortable position. Remember most women like
men to toy gently with their hair. After decades of bad press about
sticky hairsprays and helmet hair, most of us have been using products
to enhance "touchability" and are favoring hairstyles that
look good a bit tousled. So go ahead and touch hair. And quit using all
that sticky hairspray and goo so we can go back to touching yours.
offer this suggestion: Try opening your eyes. I once cautiously opened
my eyes while kissing and saw a pair of brown eyes staring back at me,
which made the kiss even better because it became more intimate. Some
people find this to be an impossible task (like sneezing with your eyes
open), but while the prevailing belief is that we must try to block out
all other sensations, you may find that kissing with your eyes open is
the sensual equivalent of making love with the lights on. And if you're
going to be kissing for several hours in a make-out bar, it's a good
idea to peek periodically at the where-abouts of your drinks, her purse,
and your wallet.
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