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        Confidence Through Self - Hypnosis

WARNING: Be sure to read this entire article. Don't try to pick and chose aspects of it and think you're ready. There is important, valuable information contained throughout that you're going to need. While guided visualization isn't considered dangerous, it can be misused. You assume all risk for your choices to use this information.

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What if you could learn a method of creating any type of belief or emotion in yourself – even confidence? What if you could create the kind of confidence that women report as the #1 thing they find attractive in men?

Many years ago, as part of my research, I began to study hypnosis. I won’t bore you with all the science behind hypnosis, but suffice it to say that it can be a powerful way to help achieve your personal goals.

What is Hypnosis?

As you probably know, your mind has two parts – the “conscious” and the “subconscious”. The conscious mind is what you use when you’re awake and aware of your surroundings. It is actually only 20% of your mind however. The subconscious stores memories, emotions, and represents over 80% of your mind’s capacity.

In between the conscious and subconscious minds is a barrier that protects one from the other. This barrier keeps just any old thing from dropping into the subconscious mind and becoming a reality. What hypnosis does is to punch a small hole in this barrier and allow suggestions to be placed directly into the subconscious.

Most people think that it takes a hypnotist to do this. In fact, all hypnosis – even “stage hypnosis” (the hypnosis you see in stage shows or on TV), is actually self-hypnosis. Further, anyone can learn to do this safely – even without a hypnotist.  

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Hypnosis is a powerful way to re-program your subconscious mind for success, confidence, or anything else you may want. Another way to think about hypnosis is to call it “guided visualization”. This means, you see, hear, feel, etc., yourself as though you’ve already obtained whatever it is that you want.

Is Hypnosis Dangerous?

At one time people believed that hypnosis could be used to control someone and make them do anything. Today, we have a better understanding of just what hypnosis is, and what it can do. People often point to the few examples they have of hypnosis – usually “stage hypnosis” where someone is convinced to do something ridiculous.

Some people, (called “synombalists”) have the ability to easily drop into a hypnotic state. There are certain signs that hypnotists use in looking for these people for stage hypnosis. The majority of people are not so easily hypnotized.

There is one key rule to hypnosis: always bring yourself "out" of hypnosis before you do anything else. Consider this: if hypnosis is about that "hole" in the critical area of your mind, do you really want that open for just anything to go in? Imagine what would happen if you went under self hypnosis only to then go watch the news! All of that negativity would flood into your mind and probably leave you very depressed. 

What If I Can’t Be Hypnotized?


The fact is, everybody can be hypnotized. Even you! Further hypnosis is simply a form of deep relaxation and focus where your mind is clear of interruption. This concentrated focus makes hypnosis the valuable tool that it is.

Many people mistakenly think they can't be hypnotized because they don't "feel" anything. In fact, only 1/2 of the population actually "feels" something when they first try hypnosis. So, don't let that discourage you. As well, when you're in self hypnosis, you're not really "in a trance" as is portrayed by TV and movies. In fact, you're "hyper-aware" of things around you! You'll notice sounds, feelings, smells, etc., much better than usual. This is a good sign that you're actually "under".

To be continued as below...

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Once you've been in hypnosis a few times, you'll learn to feel it and know when it is happening, but again, EVERYONE can be hypnotized.

How to Start Self Hypnosis

The most important first step in any hypnosis is to have a goal. If you drop into hypnosis without one, what are you going to do? Just root around for a while? Hypnosis is very pleasant, and is a good way to relax, but we're here to do some work.

So, step #1 is to define one, single, easily explained goal. For the purposes of this article, the goal will be:

    "I want to be more confident around women."

This goal has many advantages: first, it's clear and specific, second, it's easily understood, third, it isn't going to be misunderstood, and forth, it's a positive message. That last one needs a little explanation: the subconscious mind cannot work with a message stated in the negative.

Here's an example: try to NOT think of a white rabbit. You can't do it! You can't NOT think of a thing, you can only not do it by replacing it with something else that you DO want to think about. That's important.

Put another way, you don't want to use this as your goal:

    "I don't act nervously around women."

That translates in your mind to: "I act nervously around women." It actually drops the "don't" - definitely, NOT the goal you want your mind holding. 

Another example:

    "I don't smoke."

This gets translated to: "I smoke." A far better statement is:

    "I am a non-smoker."

This will carry the correct message. So, always state your messages in the positive (as "I WILL do something", rather than, "I WON'T do something").

Here's the suggestion you'll want to use later:

    "I am confident around women."

When you establish goals for your own hypnosis, be sure to follow those same four rules - clear and specific, easily understood, can't be misinterpreted, and is stated in the positive. You might even want to write it down on a piece of paper to use in the next step.

Getting Into Self Hypnosis

In order to self-hypnotize, you've got to eliminate the outside distractions. So, find yourself a quiet, comfortable chair somewhere that you won't be disturbed for about 30 minutes. You should disconnect the phone, close the windows, etc. I don't recommend that you lay down on a couch or bed. This is because you'll be too relaxed and may fall asleep!

Also, make sure your body is comfortable. Remove your shoes, and any binding clothing, but be sure to be comfortably warm. When you sit, recline slightly without your arms or legs crossed. Just place your hands at your sides or on your thighs. Try to eliminate any "pressure points".

Now, once everything is quiet and comfortable, you're ready to begin. Start by taking 4-5 slow, deep breaths through your nose, and exhaling through your mouth. On the last one, let your eyes close comfortably. Continue breathing in this slow, "in through the nose, out through the mouth" way.

Next, draw your attention to your feet. Become aware of how they feel. Then, try to imagine how they would feel if they were completely relaxed, with the toes just hanging off the ends. Imagine them warm as though they were sitting in a warm bath of water. Keep doing this until you can really feel it.

Next, allow that warmth and relaxation to travel up into your calves. Imagine them as warm and completely relaxed, with all the muscles just hanging. Try to imagine them as very heavy - as though a large dictionary was placed on top of them.

Once you get this feeling going, let it travel up into your thighs, the your hips, your stomach, your lower back, your chest, your upper back, your shoulders, down your arms, into your forearms, your wrists, your hands and your fingers.

Next, work back up your hands and arms, into your shoulders, your neck, the back of your head, over your head, your forehead, your face and mouth and back down into your next.

Don't try to rush this process. It should take about 10-15 minutes. Your body needs to be very relaxed to proceed to the next step.

Now, focus on your breathing again. Make sure you're taking slow, full, deep breaths. When you get the rhythm of this count backwards from 5 to 0 with each breath. Imagine yourself slipping downwards very comfortably and calmly. When you hit 0, just say to yourself, "ready".

At this point, you can begin focusing on the real reason we've done all of this: establishing self-confidence.

Working Under Hypnosis

At this point, you want to begin focusing on your calmness and relaxation. When you've become deeply aware of your relaxation, focus on the suggestion from before:

    "I am confident around women."

Each time you say those words, try to imagine yourself somewhere that you find a number of beautiful women around. Imagine yourself being totally calm and comfortable when you walk up to one of them and say "Hello". Imagine that she turns to look at you, and then smiles approvingly.

Repeat this with every women in the room. If you find yourself walking up to a woman and starting to feel anxious, stop and calm yourself again, then state your suggestion and try it again. This is going to take some practice, because you've spend your life practicing the opposite! So, work on it until it feels natural.

You want to do this as though you're looking out of your own eyes. Don't "watch" yourself do it, see it as you're actually doing it!

This should only take about 5-10 minutes; although it's often difficult to gauge time when you're under, so don't worry about the length of time. Just do it at least 6 times, or more if you'd like.

Now, you're ready for the all-important part of coming out, (no - not from the closet!)

The Proper Way to Get Out of Self Hypnosis

This is very important! Don't ignore this step! You must do this before you do anything else including answer the door or phone, turning on the TV, talking to your dog - anything!

To get out of self hypnosis, do this:

First, draw your attention back to your breathing. When it is calm and regular, start slowly counting each breath from 0 up to 5. As you say each number in your mind, imagine yourself coming back up, and becoming more and more awake. You'll also begin to notice that you're feeling very good. This is a normal part of guided visualization.

Once you get to "5", give yourself the command "Awake!", take a deep breath and open your eyes. This will always represent to you, being alert, awake, and feeling even better than you did before.

What to Expect

As I said earlier, this is going to take a little while, but the benefits are worth it! Plan to spend at least once a day for the next 3 weeks doing this. If possible, try to make it about the same time of the day. Don't do it just before you go to bed or when you first wake up however. You'll probably just fall asleep, negating the benefits.

What you'll notice is that, by practicing this in your mind, you will actually become more confident around women! You're not going to go from a little boy (or girl!) to James Bond over night, but you WILL start getting the benefits.

The key is to invest some time and effort first.

P.S.- By Dr. Dennis W. Neder, he is the author of 
Being a Man in a Woman's World

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