Most of you are aware that
orgasm doesn't always come easily for a women. (Excuse the pun.) Woman are
more complicated than men, which is in no way meant to put men down. On
the contrary, men have a gift of being able to focus, and in bed, it's a
real bonus. Women, on the other hand, are able to, and usually do, think
about several things at once.
We now know that women actually
do think differently than men. They use both lobes more when thinking and
problem solving. This may be one of the reasons men are better able to
focus. Throughout history, women have been required to do many things at
once--hold an infant, cook a meal, watch out for a three year old, and
talk to girlfriends and grandmother. It was part of survival. Whereas the
man, being the hunter, had to be pretty single focused. He could not
admire the flowers along the path to finding dinner. The survival of his
family and the tribe depended on his ability to bring home the protein.
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These attributes go to bed with
us too. While a man is able to focus on sex, the woman is thinking of many
things at once--can the kids hear, does he love me, he's touching my fat,
are my breasts large enough, do I smell good, is my hair or makeup mussed,
am I sexy enough, when is this orgasm going to arrive? Most women will
verify that, at least occasionally, this is what goes on in their heads in
the middle of having sex. It's not that she's not interested, it's just a
habit from her daily life.
to make a girl orgasm? On top of all that is the cultural
stuff that's laid on a little girl, which travels with her into her
adulthood: good girls don't; I'm a lady; I was supposed to say no, now I'm
supposed to say yes?; If I enjoy it will he think I'm a slut?; and, I
don't know how to do any of this sex stuff, no one ever taught me how.
If a woman's ability to
orgasm isn't tweaked by all that, let's then add the damage caused by the media: am I
sexy enough; is my body perfect enough; am I worldly enough?, and how can
I compete with all those sexy women that stare out at me from every
magazine, billboard, TV show and movie?
When they show sex on screen,
the couple barely gets started, the man makes some sexy moves and she goes
into wild, uncontrollable
orgasm. Not only do women begin to think
they're the only ones who can't do it like that, the men think that's the
norm too, which adds more pressure on the woman who's trying to live up to
her "perceived" idea of what her partner expects. Yikes!
The most important sex organ is
the brain. When a man has any difficulty, almost always, it's in his head.
If he's thinking about something, even sex, then trouble can arise. (Or
maybe not. Pun intended.) For women, it's no different, but it's more
difficult to turn off the thinking.
These are just some of the
things that get in the way of a woman being able to let go, relax and
completely immerse herself in the experience of lovemaking.
to make a girl have an orgasm? So, what can a woman do to
improve her ability to
orgasm? Well, first of all, she must know what she
likes. What does it take for her to come to
orgasm? The best way is for
her to masturbate. No matter how comfortable she is with it, two books on
the subject will be enlightening and helpful. One is THE HITE REPORT by
Shere Hite which shows how individual women can be. The other is HOW TO
HAVE AN ORGASM AS OFTEN AS YOU WANT by Rachel Swift. This book gives page
by page instruction on how to be more
orgasmic, even if a woman has never
orgasm. When a woman knows what she likes, communicating that to
her partner is essential. This takes trust and a willingness to be
vulnerable. If she let's him know it's difficult to talk about, it will
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How to bring back the fire in your lovemaking? How
to make your sex more and more satisfying than ever in your
What food and drink you should avoid the 24 hours
before making love? Highly recommended... 500
Lovemaking Tips and Secrets
Most men get turned on by their
partner enjoying sex and especially coming. In my workshops and interviews
I hear men say all the time, "We want to make you happy, just tell us
what you want." It's a turn-on to talk about what you like. Do it
over a candlelight dinner by telling him what you'd like him to do to you.
He'll probably ask for the check immediately. Another good time is while
you're cuddling in bed before or after lovemaking. During lovemaking, move
his hand or body or mouth where you like it, tell him harder, softer,
faster, slower. Believe me, he's listening.
lovemaking is an ongoing process. It can be frustrating but if you're
patient and willing to take a few risks, you'll both experience greater
P.S. - This article was written by Kara Oh
published at: http://www.alluringyou.com,
Kare Oh is author of "Men Made Easy"
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