This is the most common question
I get from men. Generally I ask if there was passion in the beginning of
their relationship. If the answer is yes, then my next question is,
"When did the passion begin to slip away?" Almost always, it's
after the first child arrived. The saddest part about this is, that's when
the relationship should be really solid, because children benefit most
from a loving home with both parents. For those without children, they
generally tell me it crept up on them, that they just got out of the
habit. Life got busy and the romance got lost in the shuffle.
When I talk to both men and
women about how they met, what it was like then, how the sex and romance
was, they get a sparkle in their eyes as they remember back with obvious
fondness. Frequently, there's a wistfulness too. That always makes me a
bit sad, because I know the passion doesn't have to go away.
love sex passionate:
All too often I hear women speak
of men's sex drive in a derogatory way. Might it make a difference if
women realized the primary way most men are able to be intimate and
express love is through sex? Most men haven't thought about it but when I
ask them, they generally agree. That's why so many men want to have sex
after an argument--sex is how they connect at the deepest level.
Women complain they want more
intimacy, they want the man in their life to express his love more. When I
tell them in my workshops how sex is intimacy for men, I can see the
lights go on. They're then able to appreciate men's sex drive more. They
see how it's the key to getting the intimacy they want from the man in
their life. They then become more interested in how they can open to their
own sexual energy.
Sex is one of the few things
that make a romantic relationship different than other relationships. We
can eat meals, go to movies, live together, even go on vacations with any
of our friends or acquaintances. Sex is the one thing that takes a
relationship to that deeper level of loving, closeness, and intimacy.
Without the sex, you're really just close friends.
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Sex is also a way for a couple
to connect spiritually. It has the capacity to take us away from the daily
routine and transport us to an "otherworldly place." And how
lovely to go there with the one we love. For those couples who are just
beginning and everything is working well, but the sex could be better,
here are a few more things that might motivate a woman.
I've been saying for some time
that encouraging our sexual energy to flow freely keeps us younger,
healthier and more vibrant, even keep us living longer. Well, recently I
read a study that verifies this. How's that for motivation?
In the Western culture, girls
and young women are taught to stifle their sexuality. They're loose if they
like sex too much, a lady isn't sexual, it's dirty, they should hold out
until the male is willing to commit, and on and on. They're not taught to
honor their sexuality as part of their womanness. But when they're in a
committed relationship, they're supposed to be able to become amazing sex
goddesses. They're never taught how to be a good lover. They rely on their
partner to teach them but the men are never taught either.
All too often, when they finally
do have sex, it isn't that great. The excitement is in the newness of the
love. When they "get their man" and the excitement of new love
wears off, the sex is no longer as interesting. Unfortunately, many women
use sex to get a man to commit when they really aren't that interested.
That's unfair, at the very least.
One way to get the woman more
interested is to work together as a couple to improve the sex, developing,
as a team, more passion and romance in the relationship. Women generally
love to "work on the relationship."
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Read books together and try new
things, rent or buy "how-to" videos, go to workshops together
and make it a primary focus. More than anything else, frequent,
enthusiastic sex will bring back the thrill of passion and love.
P.S. - This article was written by Kara Oh
published at: http://www.alluringyou.com,
Kare Oh is author of "Men Made Easy"
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