good things end. That’s just the way life is. Sometimes, bad things
continue due to neglect or fear. This ISN’T the way life should be!
continue to tell people, the problem isn’t that there are too many
divorces – there are too many marriages! So many people hook up with
partners that are (or become) unhealthy for them, then find that they can’t
bring themselves to break it off – sometimes out of fear of being alone,
sometimes through convincing by their friends or family, sometimes through
concern of how they will look, sometimes through simple neglect, etc.
should a relationship break up? Simple: when it no longer provides benefit
to one or both partners. In other words, if you aren’t getting what you
want or need from being with someone, or if you recognize that your
partner isn’t getting what they want or need it’s time to move on.
had some people say to me, “Isn’t that a little selfish – what about
the person you’re dumping?” To this I answer, “How can it be good
for someone to stay with a person that doesn’t want to be with him or
her?” After all, how low does your self-esteem (let alone your
self-respect) have to be to want to do this? It is by far much healthier
to go about finding the relationship that works for you – that gives you
what you need, than to apathetically cling to something that isn’t
fulfilling. Life is too short for this, and you deserve better.
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how do you know when to break off your relationship? Here are 10 signs to
watch for. Note that most people encounter one, two or more of these
things periodically. However if you’re finding that you experience more
than a few consistently – over a longer period, it’s probably time to
10. You no longer look
forward to spending time alone with your partner.
You may still have a good sex life (or not!) but actually talking to your
partner seems like a chore. If spending time alone with your partner seems
like a prison sentence you may be up for a parole.
9. You begin comparing
your partner to others.
This is particularly true when other people seem more appealing to you. We
all find others – often those we don’t have – attractive. If
however, you find that you’re comparing specific traits – a person’s
voice, their neatness, the way they carry themselves, etc., against
others; especially things your partner can’t change - you should
re-evaluate your relationship.
You criticize or “micro-manage” your partner
If you’re always concerned that your partner’s socks aren’t exactly
right for his pants, or that she wears too much make-up, or that he or she
just can’t seem to take their responsibilities seriously, don’t look
at them – look at yourself. People that are in love tend to look beyond
minor annoyances to the bigger picture. If you’re having trouble doing
this you may want to work on your exit plan.
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7. You start trying to
change your partner
Many people fall in love with people that excite them, but find that this
excitement isn’t good for them in the long term. On the other hand, they
may find someone “stable” that doesn’t provide enough variety in
their relationship. If you find that you’re constantly trying to convert
your partner from the person you fell in love with, it may be time to
6. You re-connect with
It’s one thing to send an ex-girlfriend a birthday card. It is entirely
another to take her out for dinner and a movie “just to catch up”. The
trick here is to be honest about your motivations. If you had the chance
to sleep with him or her, would you? Are you looking for approval or an
ego-boost from him or her? Have you forgotten why you broke up in the
5. His or her jokes are
no longer funny
Of course, you may have heard them 1,000 times, but people in love tend to
look beyond this repetitiveness. They see that their partner is being
humorous, not how funny something is or isn’t.
You’re doing all the giving – or all the getting
Relationships are about mutual benefit. If one partner is benefiting over
the other, the relationship isn’t healthy. This doesn’t mean that
everything should be exactly balanced. For example, just because one
partner spends $50 on a birthday present, that the other should spend
exactly that amount. Nor does it mean that both partners should always
split a dinner check. If one person pays all the time, and the other doesn’t
at least cook a few meals, there is something wrong – and unhealthy
about the relationship.
3. You constantly find
ways to include others in your activities
Always including others indicates that you’re not looking forward to
being alone with your partner. Of course, you need time with your friends,
but if you never have private time, or the only time you’re alone is
when you’re having sex, perhaps the problem is in the company.
Your friends no longer like being around you when you’re with your
Your friends don’t have to dislike your partner – perhaps they don’t
like what affect your partner has one YOU! Consider that your relationship
with your friends is at least as important in the long run as your
relationship with your partner. In fact, it may be MORE important as they
will see you as you really are, and will be there even if he or she isn’t
– IF you treat them right!
1. You no longer feel
good about yourself
At first, this seems like a strange warning sign about your relationship,
but think about how you felt when you first hooked up with your partner.
You felt great – about yourself and your world. If this is now lacking
where it was there before, you may want to look at your
deserve to be loved, to feel empowered in your relationship and to
enjoy happiness. I am offering you the tools you need to finally get what you
want: ever-deepening love and respect, romance, and an
relationship with a man who makes you feel cherished and adored, Meet
By Dr. Dennis W. Neder, he is the author of
Being a Man in a Woman's World
P.S. - Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
firstname.lastname@example.org for answers. For more information about my book, “Being a Man in a Woman’s World”, visit:
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