not about you. Just because you may not be right for someone...doesn't
mean there is something wrong with you...it just means that you are not
right for them (and most likely they are not right for you either!) But,
oh, those awful, consuming feelings of rejection!
The first thing
one must do, to understand why your relationship failed, is to not take
blame. The "if I only", or "I should've done this
differently", or "maybe if I had been more of that, or less of
this"...bologna! In order to begin to realize this as a learning
experience, and to avoid the same mistakes in the future, you must first
understand the personality of your ex and, of course, of yourself. This
brings amazing insights into the problems in your relationship, as well as
improving yourself and your goals, and in making any future relationship a
relationship is pure grief. If your mate or spouse has passed on there is
a finality that you must face. You are forced to accept and move on! If
your mate or spouse is still around, especially where you may run into
them, the grief is extended because there is always the longing that
things will work out and you two will reunite. There is no acceptance!
There is no finality that forces you to move on. You believe you have
choices and options. This makes it much more difficult to let go and move
from the grieving stage to an eventual point where you accept and move on.
You cling to hopes, and what-if's; and write them letters, and poems; and
look for excuses to call them and plea for another chance; or create
opportunities to make him/her jealous in foolish hopes that he/she may
"wake up" and come rushing back to your arms. NOT! All you
really end up doing is stripping yourself of your dignity, resenting your
ex more, and still you haven't moved on with your life.
You breathe them,
you sleep them, you think them, you dine with them in your mind, you
fantasize of them--you basically are a zombie ruled by foolish hopes and
endless questions. A puppet and slave to your heart, not your common
sense, not your brain.
You rehearse chance meeting scenes in your head.
You hug your pillow and pretend it's your ex. You purposely get up early
to get gas at the service station that your ex MUST pass on their way to
work at the exact precise time they are expected to pass in hopes of
seeing them. You call in sick at work and stay home moping and reveling in
be continued below...
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And face it, sometimes pain feels good, right? Why else would
we force ourselves to look at old photos, or spy on them and their new
flame, or rehash good times. Because crying feels bad? Of course not!
Grief is good. It cleanses our souls. It teaches us compassion. It teaches
us humility. It is a great avenue to self-discovery, and without this
grieving process we could never move on to a better relationship. We could
never discover our own flaws and faults and we could never gain the
insight into being more selective of certain traits in future partners.
But most of all grieving teaches us to love OURSELVES, and nurture
ourselves, and stand on our OWN! The trick to passing over is acceptance,
interception, diversion, and will!
explore the main personality flaws of people. You may find your partner in
only one, or in (God forbid) all of them. Hopefully, you'll be honest
enough with yourself to pick out some of your own flaws and work to better
them, too. You cannot change your mate, but you can change yourself. By
reading the 'Who We Are' page you may gain enough insight to be able to
single out certain personality traits (in your mates) that you tend to be
drawn to and maybe possibly learn how to avoid these types in the future.
P.S. - This article
brought to you courtesy of: AboutYourBreakup.com
“Your Relationship/Breakup Resource Pages” Tigress Luv is
a published author and webmistress. She currently has two books available
online for immediate reading. Lifted
Hearts, and excellent book for recovering from the pain of heartbreak,
and This Side of
Good-bye, which shows you how to stop your breakup and get your
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