I'm having some
trouble here and would appreciate any advice you have.
I have been
with my boyfriend for 6 years now, he is my first and only boyfriend, and
I am his first and only girlfriend.
During our 6
years together, he was nothing but sweet, loyal, passionate, and adoring
of me. He was very committed to me but I was always scared of commitment
and told him that getting a career is more important than getting married.
I have left him twice in the past for another guy, out of stupidity and
temptation, and last year I left him for another guy for 8 months. Each
time I did this, he begged for me to take him back, and when I did come to
my senses and come back, he would play hard to get and act like I had to
beg for him.
3 months ago, I
left him to move to the other end of the country, something that hurt him
terribly. I stayed there for 2 months and for the first month; he would
call me everyday and tell me he loved me. Then, once I decided to return
because I missed him so much and was finally ready to settle down with
him, he told me that he needed some time apart to be on his own and get
his businesses in order and he wanted to be single and with his buddies
and he stopped calling me.
Now I am back
in my hometown and he is still not calling me. I will call him once in a
while to say "Hi" but he hardly returns my calls. We decided to
meet up and watch a hockey game recently, and then 2 days later, he
flaunts this new girl he's seeing in my face at a bar, and I got angry
with him. Now, he acts very cold and without feeling, like he's put his
feelings aside and he's put up a wall.
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In 1 month, he
has transformed into the absolute opposite of who he has always been. I
spilled my heart and soul out to him, telling him that I will do anything
to make this relationship work, but he brushes it off. Now he's seeing
some other chick, which is 35 years old, (he's 24).
He says he
loves me, and he keeps asking why it was ok for me to do this last year
and why I can't let him move on. I know that he is speaking out of pain
and hurt, but he won't even talk to me about what's happening. The worst
part is how disrespectful he is to me when he's in public with his
He ignores me
like I'm just some girl he was seeing for a month or so, and if he knows
that I will be at a certain bar, he will show up with that woman, and
flirt with her and dance with her right in front of me. I try to ignore
it, but I always end up leaving the bar in tears. I don't understand how
and why he is treating me this terribly. It's one thing to want to break
up, but still be respectful to me, and it's another to completely
humiliate me over and over again.
I know I need
to stop calling him, but I don't want him to think I don't care for him
anymore. How can he go from a 6-year relationship to another girl in 1
month? Can you explain to me his sudden behavior because he's not telling
me anything? Should I stay away from the places he hangs out? And most
importantly, what's the best way for me to proceed in order to leave
things open for reconciliation?
I want him back
so bad, I gave up everything out west to come back home to him and he
knows this. I just want to spend the rest of my life making him feel as
special as he made me feel for the last 6 years. Please help, I don't want
to make the wrong moves and hurt this situation anymore than it has been.
Is there any salvation for this relationship and will he snap out of this
coldness and tell me what's going on?
Thank you so
much for listening.
Please tell me
you're kidding me - right?
Let's see here.
You had a terrific relationship with a caring, loving guy but it wasn't
very important to you, so you left him and started seeing other guys.
Then, you even left town and moved all the way across the country. Now,
you're back and you want to be with him again, but you're hurt because he
won't be the same, lovely, wonderful guy he was because you kept dumping
all over him.
What in the
hell are you thinking anyway?
he even talks to you at all! The only reason I can think of for it is that
he is so inexperienced that he doesn't know that there are women out there
that WILL treat him properly and with respect.
I don't care
how much he wanted the relationship in the past; frankly, you don't
deserve him! What could you ever do now that would make for the way you've
treated him? He's being far nicer to you than you deserve in my opinion.
If you'd done this to me, I would never talk to you again - ever. At least
he'll talk to you.
This might be a
good time to go sit by yourself for a while and think about what you
really want in your life. Your actions here border on abuse and if you
ever want someone of quality in your life again, someone that loves you,
and cares for you, you'd better get yourself straightened out. A person
like this is a treasure that you earn.
You got lucky
the first time, but don't expect it to happen again.
With a LOT of
work on your selfish self, you may get another chance in the future with
someone else. Get started right away.
P.S. - By Dr. Dennis W.
Neder, he is the author of
Being a Man in a Woman's World
P.S. - Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
firstname.lastname@example.org for answers. For more information about my book, “Being a Man in a Woman’s World”, visit:
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