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Breakup - Surviving a Breakup:                       

                  Heal Your Hurt


Healing your hurt is important because this is what restores your peace of mind. 

It also restores your creativity and your ability to see what needs to be done.
There are two aspects of the healing process. First, you need to be willing to feel your hurt like a child. This is what releases the emotion.
Second, you need to find and dismantle the inner mechanism that creates your hurt in the first place. We'll talk more about this in the next section.
To begin the healing process, lets talk about feeling your hurt.
When you were born, you were created with the natural ability to heal hurt. 

Look at little children. Little children are masters at healing hurt. When a child feels hurt, the child cries. Then, after the child finishes crying, the hurt is all gone.
Little children are able to release their hurt because they do something that we don't notice. 

They allow their hurt. They are totally willing to feel all their feelings and emotions.
This is the natural process for healing hurt. Hurt is just a feeling. When you allow the feeling to take its course, the feeling quickly comes and goes.

Unfortunately, we have been taught to do the opposite. Instead of allowing our hurt, we have been taught to fight it. "Big boys and girls don't cry. If you want something to cry about, I'll give you something to cry about."

You soon learn to avoid your hurt. This then circumvents the natural healing process. Instead of allowing the feelings and letting them go, you fight the feelings and keep them inside.

To be continued below...

  

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You try to push the hurt away, but you can't. The hurt isn't outside of you, it's inside. So, in your attempt to push the hurt away, you actually push the hurt deeper inside. You then spend the rest of your life running from this suppressed hurt.
The irony is that no matter what you do to avoid your hurt, you can't get away from it. You will continue to experience these feelings whether you like it or not.

When you are hurt, you are hurt. You don't have a choice whether you are going to feel it. You will. Your only choice is this: Are you going to allow yourself to feel your hurt like a child and let it go, or are you going to fight your hurt and keep it inside?

If you allow the hurt, the feelings disappear. If you fight the hurt, the feelings turn into pain and then stay.
To see this in your life, find a time when you were hurt and you allowed yourself to cry. Then, after you cried your last tear, you felt a wonderful freedom. This is a time when you allowed your hurt.

Now find a time when you were hurt and hated it. You hated your circumstances and you hated your hurt. Notice that this hurt was very painful and seemed to stay forever.
The key to releasing your hurt is to be willing to experience it. Keep telling yourself, "It's okay to feel the hurt. It's okay." Let the hurt come and let the hurt go. Cry if you can.
Crying is the most powerful tool for releasing hurt.

If the hurt is there but you don't feel any tears, fake it. Fake the crying until you get into the emotion. Then experience all the hurt as deeply as you can.
You may notice certain thoughts as you cry: "Why did she do this?" "Why can't she love me." Let the thoughts guide your crying. Cry each thought. Then move to the next one.

Reach in and grab all the hurt you can. Experience it fully like a child. Then, when the hurt is fully experienced, it disappears.
If the hurt doesn't release, or if it keeps coming back, you have found the primary hurt that runs your life.
Ultimately, you are fighting the hurt of feeling worthless, not good enough, a failure, not worth loving or some other form of being not okay. It's not the truth that you are this way, it's just an old hurt.

In a subconscious attempt to avoid this hurt, you interact in a way that destroys love and sabotages every aspect of your life. The avoidance of this hurt is responsible for all your suffering and all your self-sabotaging behavior.
Finding and healing this hurt is literally one of the most important things you can ever do. To learn how, read the next section, Find And Heal The Inner Issues That Run Your Life.
If you want to learn more about healing, read the book, Heal The Hurt That Runs Your Life or listen to the book on tape.

P.S. - This article was written by Bill Ferguson and was 

original published at: http://www.divorceasfriends.com

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