sweet. Can't buy into the logic that happiness is the best revenge of all?
Still tempted to get your own back but wouldn't dream of sewing prawns
into the lining of his suits and leaving him to wonder where on earth that
awful smell is coming from whilst facing social rejection? Here are some
tips on how to do it safely, with your dignity still in tact and without
ending up in jail:
• Hide his
most treasured possession. Enjoy the satisfaction of seeing your target
hunt high and low without success. Let him sweat for as long as you like
and then innocently hand it over. They'll never be sure whether you hid it
deliberately or not.
• Spread the
gossip. Not malicious rumours about your ex, but gossip about your
fantastic new lover and how happy you are (whether or not the lover
actually exists). Rest assured, this news will get back to your ex with
the speed of an e-mail...
• So-so sex:
make it quite clear to anyone who wants to ask you about the sexual side
of your relationship that your ex was certainly no great shakes in bed.
Like the above, this news will spread like wildfire.
every break-up means the loss of some friends, as those who knew you as a
couple will inevitably feel pressured to stay friendly with one of you or
the other. Grab the address book first and schmooze everyone, so they want
to stay in touch with you, not him.
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• Learn to
satisfy your need to get even by imagining something awful happening to
your ex, like being impotent with his lover or splitting his trousers at a
• Psyche him
out. When you bump into your ex, as you inevitably will, keep cool, calm -
and be sympathetic. Mention you've heard something about his
'unhappiness'. This will drive him mad: he'll be desperate to ask you what
exactly you've heard, but won't dare because then he's at your mercy.
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