Read some book
excerpts in LiftedHearts:
What is usually
the hardest for someone going through a breakup is fighting those
relentless urges to contact the ex. "I just need some closure. I just
need some answers 'why'. I just want to explain to them, plead with them,
beg them, show them how I'm sorry. I just want to hear their voice, see
their face, and have them see and hear mine. Maybe they'll realize how
much they miss me...blah, blah, blah....yadda, yadda, yadda...." Ewww!!!!
Those urges are just so annoying. But what drives us to follow through
with them? To risk our pride, our dignity, our self-esteem, and
self-respect and fall crumbling to our knees to plead with them? What are
they, God or something? Geez! We are sorry-sacks aren't we *grins*. But
we've all done it. We've all thought about planning 'accidental' meetings,
dreamed of chance encounters and hoped for final conversations. We've all
come up with emergency reasons to contact our ex–we've conjured up
causes, and schemed, plotted, and coerced our friends to arrange it. So
why do we do it and how can we cope with them? How do we fight urges that
dominate our thinking and interfere with our daily routine?
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WHY DO I FEEL
SUCH AN OVERWHELMING URGE TO CONTACT MY EX?
Your ex, and the relationship, were very important to you. It's simply an
unreasonable request to expect you to just walk away without the urge to
regain that importance back in your life! You crave your ex and the
relationship–not just because of love, or security, but because it was a
habit and habits are addictions...and addictions are fed by cravings.
Without the craving there would be no addiction. It's not the object of
the addiction that drives us to have to have it, it's the unbearable,
never-ending craving for it that motivates us to lose all for the object
of our addiction. It's not the plain, simple alcohol itself that drives
the alcoholic to drink...it's that relentless craving for it. Why should
breaking the love habit be any different? Only this scenario is a little
different. We crave them/the relationship, as much as an alcoholic craves
alcohol...however, alcohol won't deny itself to the alcoholic, it won't
reject the alcoholic's attempt to drink it, it's readily available to
him...but the source of our cravings will deny itself to us, therefore
making our craving just a little bit more complex. We have to think of
ways to manipulate our objects of addiction. Craving itself is not going
to satisfy the urge. So now we're like a junkie in the street that will do
just about anything to get their cravings met. We lose pride, dignity,
self-respect. We trick our minds into believing that we have catastrophes
so we have an excuse to reach out to our objects of addictions..."
P.S. - This article
brought to you courtesy of: AboutYourBreakup.com
“Your Relationship/Breakup Resource Pages”. Tigress Luv is
a published author and webmistress. She currently has two books available
online for immediate reading. Lifted
Hearts, and excellent book for recovering from the pain of heartbreak,
and This Side of
Good-bye, which shows you how to stop your breakup and get your
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