Some people confront their partners as soon as they have any suspicion of an affair.
But for most, coming to grips with their suspicions is a long struggle. Unfortunately, the
possibility of an affair is so frightening to most people that they either suppress their
awareness of these changes or hope that they are temporary, or insignificant, or due to
some problem that will just "go away." The two primary ways of avoiding dealing with a
possible affair are through rationalization or denial.
Rationalization: One of the major reasons people rationalize their early suspicions of an
affair is because they don't want to believe it's true. The sense of personal shame and
embarrassment that comes with entertaining the possibility that this could happen causes
them to look for ways to convince themselves that their suspicions are unfounded. Most
people will go to great lengths to rationalize their concerns about an affair.
To be continued below...
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Denial: At some point, rationalization fails to be sufficient to explain the behavior of a
person who suspects an affair. When there is actual evidence to suggest an affair and
they still fail to confront it, they have entered the stage of denial.
When to Confront:
It's important for each person to face this issue only when they're ready. There are two
primary questions to ask yourself in determining whether or not you're ready:
1. Do You Really Want to Know?
A person needs to be sure they really want to know before asking if their partner is
having an affair. One of the biggest drawbacks to being ready to confront the suspicions is
feeling unprepared to face it if the suspicions turn out to be true.
2. Do You Feel Open to Either Staying or Leaving?
An important consideration as to whether or not a person is ready to confront their
suspicions is their willingness to remain open to either staying in the relationship or
leaving it. If their decision is predetermined (whether the decision is to stay or to leave),
then they're not fully prepared to deal with the issue of affairs.
To be continued below...
the most painful and devastating experiences, The
Affair, you are not alone. Claimed as the Bible of
The Affair, Dr. Bob Huizenga’s Break
Free from Affair gives you a step-by-step guide
to help you break through the confusion, fear and move on
with A Greater Life ahead. Break
Free from Affair
So the issue of confronting an affair is more than just whether or not to do it; it's also
deciding when and how. Any effort to deal directly with a possible affair needs to be
serious and well-planned-being prepared to insist on the truth and to deal with the
P.S. - Peggy Vaughan is a relationship expert, specializing in dealing with the issue of extramarital affairs. She reaches an international audience
through her own Website at: http://www.dearpeggy.com
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