Trying to recover from a partner's extramarital affair is made more difficult by the
"loaded" words most often used to discuss this situation. The emotions are usually so
intense that it's very difficult to think straight. Unfortunately, the words that are most
commonly used only serve to inflame the already raw emotions created by this
We need to raise our awareness of the impact of words and make a conscientious effort to
defuse the personal pain caused by the language we use to discuss affairs. Because of the
power of words to affect the way we think, in "The Monogamy Myth" I deliberately
avoided the long list of judgmental, blaming words so common to the language of affairs.
Unfortunately, many of the books dealing with this subject use words that contribute to
the problem. The trio of words used most often are Adultery, Infidelity, and Betrayal.
The words Adultery and Infidelity reflect a personal assessment of the person who has an
affair as an "adulterer" or an "infidel." The word Betrayal implies that the person having
an affair is fully aware of the pain this will cause their partner, and proceeds to "betray"
them anyway. This reinforces the idea of personal blame and adds to the difficulty of
coping with the emotions and gaining a broader understanding of what has happened and
what to do about it.
To be continued below...
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Whether dealing with this pain personally or trying to be helpful to a friend or loved one
who is struggling with the intense emotions generated by discovery of a partner's affair,
remember that words do make a difference. Using "loaded" words that trigger those
emotions can make a difficult experience even worse.
this to a friend!
P.S. - Peggy Vaughan is a relationship expert, specializing in dealing with the
issue of extramarital affairs. She reaches an international audience through her own Website at:
Following is a list of readings that we recommend for you:
the most painful and devastating experiences, The Affair, you are not
alone. Claimed as the Bible of The Affair, Dr. Bob Huizenga’s
Free from Affair gives you a step-by-step guide
to help you break through the confusion, fear and move on with A
Greater Life ahead. Break
Free from Affair
You can save
your marriage TODAY! With impressive success rate of 90%, Dr.
Lee's proven and effective approaches will rescue
your marriage starting from today, and you could have the
relationship of your dreams! Save
Your Marriage... see what you think...
found the effective 4-Step "strategy" to help you survive
the relationship crisis, heal your broken heart and bring
back your love. That is called Bring
Back the Love of Your Life! I highly recommend it. See what
you think... Bring
Back the Love of Your Life!
How to have the GREAT
SEX you can ever have in your life? How to have MULTIPLE
orgasms you can have TONIGHT? How to make your partner crazy
about you sexually? Killer
Orgasm, we highly recommend.
Your Internet Porn Addiction-
Do you suspect that your loved one is addicted to Internet
pornography? What are the options for treatment? How to rebuild
your life free from Internet porn? "Treating
an Addiction to Internet Pornography" explains to you the
answers for the above.