I was reading
an article of a person you helped and wanted to ask you a question.
with my girlfriend started about 9 month's ago, at the beginning she liked
my look, and asked for a friend to meet me. About a week later we met and
got to know each other and finally started dating.
As time passed,
we started to get to know each other very well until one time she comes to
me and says "we need to talk" I knew at that point that it was
going to be about something serious so we went to the college lounge. She
told me about her past, and I was really shocked by it! She said that when
she was about 14 years old, she was molested, and as a result became very
She told me
that when she turned 18 and finished school she started working and
studying in a different college. Since living in both environments allowed
her to met a lot of people and started dating some of them and having one
night stands with others, the number of people she had sex with different
partners was about 32 guys in one year!
I was so
shocked about it that I told her I would needed some time to reevaluate
our relationship. Time passed and I kept thinking about what happened
between us, I really liked this girl and she really liked me. For her to
tell me those things I believed it was a sign of her trusting me, and at
the same time I though that maybe some people just deserved a second
chance. So I went to her place and told her that I could deal with her
relationship was amazing that we even became best friends. We got to know
each other so well, that eventually both of us fell in love. I even met
her parents and they loved me. So at the end of the school year for the
summer I went away from the US and she stayed with her parents for about 3
months. We kept our relationship alive by keeping in touch with each other
through emails and letters.
To be continued below...
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When we finally
got back together in August I saw her and things were not the same, I
expected it might it since time and distance often change people. However
we kept our promise on being together so we continued the relationship and
it was still good, a little different but good since we were still in
About a month
later one of my close friends comes to me and tells me that he has
terrible news for me, he said that he overheard her roommates criticizing
her for cheating one me. I could not believe this! I couldn’t believe
that the person I loved would do that to me, so I went to her room and
asked her if it was true. She told me it was true but she still loved me.
She cheated on
me twice, the first time was after visiting her parents (after falling in
love), she said she did it with her ex-boyfriend she told me that she didn’t
want to do it, however her ex pushed her so finally she gave in and had
sex with him.
The other time
she did it in her apartment lounge with a stranger she met that night
thanks to her roommates. She did it in the lounge while her roommates were
in the room, so obviously they found out and that is how I found out.
I was so upset,
confused and sad about it that I didn’t know what to do. 4 days passed
and I asked her to come to my room to discuss what happened. I asked her
why she cheated on me and she said that she doesn’t know. I asked her if
she loves me and she said yes. So I was so confused that I told her to
prove her love to me. I asked her to call her mom at midnight in front of
me and tell her with how many guys she had slept.
She did it, and
I realized that she did love me so I accepted her back. She even said that
out of all the men she’d been with, I was the only one she was going to
marry and have children with because I accepted her based on what she is
and I accepted her past.
Even so, I
somehow stopped trusting her. In the beginning of our relationship she was
constantly trying to please me, trying to earn my trust and she did.
Afterwards she started to change a little bit, we were still talking and
everything but I noticed she seems more distant from me. After about a
month, she came to me and said that she wanted to end the relationship.
Right now she
is going out once a week with her ex-boyfriend (the guy slept with while I
was out of the country). It really hurts and I don’t know what to do,
some of my friends say to me that I should move on while others say to me
that maybe she just needs some time away because she doesn’t want to
hurt me again. I really need some help since this girl is completely
different from any others I have dated because of her past.
I am still in
love with this girl!
what the hell are you thinking? How low is your self-esteem to put up with
this bullshit? Since I'm not there, would you do me a favor and get one of
your buddies to slap the hell out of you for me?
nothing wrong with a woman having a lot of lovers in her past. That isn't
an issue here. What ARE issues include:
1) She cheated
on you, not once, but twice in a short time and you took her back;
2) She cheated
on you with an ex-boyfriend, which means she still kept in touch with
3) She's dumped
you for this guy (also a jackass for taking her back);
4) You still
want to be her friend; and,
5) You would
even consider getting back with this bitch.
possibly a sign of a severe mental illness, and you might seriously want
to consult a professional for some perspective.
possibly be going through your mind to think that you would ever get back
with her under any circumstance? Just because the sex was great? Of course
it was - look at how much experience she has!
excuse about being molested as a child is just that - an excuse! She's an
adult now, and needs to deal with it. You are neither responsible for it,
nor are you able to help her - SHE has to do that. It is only an excuse
she uses on gullible guys (like you), to explain her unacceptable past. DO
NOT buy into it.
My brother, get
your head back on straight. You don't want this girl in your life. She's
only going to continue to take advantage of your trust and belief in her
and you're going to continue to get kicked in the head over and over
again. MOVE ON!
DO NOT call
this girl, write to her, accept her calls or letters or email. DO NOT run
into her, talk to her or have any further contact with her.
urge you to get and read, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" to
really learn what's going on here. If you don't get this problem solved
for yourself, you're just going to go through life repeating it over and
better than this.
by Dr. Dennis W. Neder, he is the author of
Being a Man in a Woman's World
P.S. - Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at
firstname.lastname@example.org for answers. For more information about my book, “Being a Man in a Woman’s World”, visit:
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